Hagku February 10, 2010

She abhors “Fag Hag,”
Instead, prefers to be called
“Princess Among Queens.”

From Facebook: 25 Things About Me January 27, 2009

So, I got tagged on Facebook by two different friends with a note/challenge/dare/whatever to share twenty-five random things about me.   I tried, twice, to complete this, however both time something happened and I lost it.  The blogging (notes) part of Facebook leaves much to be desired, so I decided to do it here…

1.  I was born in the Benton, AR hospital (Saline Memorial Hospital) when it had only one floor.
2.  Thanks to grandparents on west coast and an uncle stationed in the navy on the east coast, I had swam in both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans before I was five years old.
3.  I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and became an ordained minister in 1986.  I haven’t attended services since 1995.
4.  I was co-valedictorian of my graduating class.  Both of us graduated with a perfect 4.0 GPA.
5.  I was awarded the WalMart Foundation Scholarship from the Sheridan WalMart.
6.  I attended two years of college at Henderson State University, then transfered to Southeast Missouri State University.
7.  After college I moved to Amarillo, TX so that I could work in Hastings Entertainment’s Advertising Department.
8.  I coordinated two different events with Jimmy Carter, both required me to be cleared by the Secret Service.
9.  I met my husband in Amarillo’s most popular lesbian bar.
10.  I admitted to myself that I was gay in 1986.
11.  I came out to my friends in 1996.
12.  I came out to my family in 1998.
13.  I know that the fear of the number thirteen is called triskaidekaphobia.  (Go ahead, look it up at dictionary.com if you don’t believe me.)  
14.  I am my parents’ first born, but middle raised child.  My parents raised my cousin, John, until he was 14 years old.  So, for all practical purposes, John is like my big brother.
15.  John is seven years older than I am.  I am seven years older than my little sister.
16.  I have four nephews:  Daniel, 18; Reven, 13; Steven, 11; Skylar, 10 months.
17.  I have two nieces:  Kelby, 7 and Amberly, 4.
18.  I share my birthday, June 8, with Daniel and Kelby.
19.  My favorite movies are “Latter Days,” “Titanic,” and “The Princess Bride.”
20.  I can’t leave the house in the morning at twenty past the hour.  If it happens to be that time when I ready to go, I’ll wait until twenty-one past.
21.  My minor in college was creative writing.  My last class for this was Magazine Writing.
22.  While I’m a gay man, I am can not cook.  I can’t decorate.  I don’t enjoy shopping.   BUT, I do enjoy musicals.
23.  My current musical obsession is Wicked.  I will be going to Memphis in July to see it at the Orpheum Theatre.
24.  I can’t sign my name in red ink.
25.  Some of the best friends that I’ve ever had, I met online first.

Here’s hoping I didn’t bore you too much!

Sick & Tired January 24, 2009

I’m sick and tired.

I’ve been sick and tired…

of being well, sick…  and tired.
of 4:45am wake up calls.
of waking at 4:45 when I need not.
of being forced to be the bad guy.
of people mistaking my kindness for weakness.
of being judged by people who only look at who I love.
of not being able to take a legal vow to the man of my dreams.
of being treated as a second-class citizen in a country that boasts freedom, opportunity.
of being judged by people who’s morality is more questionable than mine.
of being forced to spend my hard earned wage at giant, soul-less stores.
of never being worried about having too much money.
of not owning my own home and making a rich man richer.
of hearing the whispers of those discussing my sickness as if it were fatal.
of having the same whispers link my coughs to my sexuality.
of not being a skinny-butt, white boy and having to exercise.
of having a 30″ inseam, but only being able to buy certain paints with a 34″ inseam.
of giving others the priviledge of dictating my reactions.

of only having inspiration to write when I am unable…

Past, Present and Future January 11, 2009

So, I’m a goober.  I fully admit it.  I tend to live in the past.  

When I was in college (at Henderson State), I kept thinking about how great my life was in high school. 
When I transferred to Southeast Missouri State, I kept thinking about Henderson State.
When I graduated from college and moved to Texas, I kept thinking about Southeast Missouri State.
When I moved back home to Arkansas, I kept thinking about Texas.

So, a couple of years ago, I resolved that I would no longer live in the past. I would only live in the present.  When you’re only living in the present, you’re focused solely on the moment at hand.  Then, something dangerous happens, you tend to stop living for the future.  This leads to some very stupid decisions being made.  

The key is to find balance between living in the past, in the present and for the future.   And that’s what I’ve been attempting to do for the past year or so.  I am always trying appreciate the who and what I have in this world.

Last year for my birthday, I made all my friends eat Pizza and then go to the Little Rock Zoo.  I hadn’t been to the zoo in about 30 years at that point.  Since my birthday is in June, it was a bit warm, so as we walked all over the zoo campus we all worked up a pretty good sweat.  So, here we are, a troop of six gay guys walking all over the zoo.  (Insert your own joke here.)   We got sweaty; we got bitchy; we got catty.  It was one of the best birthday’s I’ve had in a long time.

Last month, for my pal Chris’ birthday, he decided that we would go eat Pizza, then go to the Weekend Theatre and watch a play.  Now, the play was okay.  I pretty much enjoy any performance art.  We were all excited to get seats on the front row.  So, there we were, this time EIGHT gay men and a “Princess Among Queens” (faghag) settling in to our WONDERFUL seats.  Then, as the play progressed, we realized, this might not be such a good thing.   We could see everything… good, bad and scary.   We also were within striking distance of the spittle.  You see, when actors speak on stage, they tend to be sure to pronounce, usually over pronounce, the words to the point that they spit.  We were dodging saliva bombs all night long.   I was sitting next to my buddy Mark and couldn’t look up for fear of causing both of us to give in to the fits of laughter that we were barely containing.   I’m told that my friend Dug was doing Neo style Matrix movies to avoid the spittle coming at him.  And, if you really want to know, contact me and I’ll tell you all about the package. 

After the play was over, the comment was made, “LaMar, you’re birthday is no longer the worst.”  But, you see, I don’t consider either birthday celebration to be bad.  Did they kinda suck at the time?  Well, yeah.  But, I had fun then; and, to be honest, in the times that we’ve been able to get together since then, I’ve had a lot of fun retelling the stories and reliving the adventure.

From each of my friends, I have learned something.   The toughest lesson that I have learned is that I won’t always have them around me.  So, as part of the balance that I’ve been striving for, I’m taking experiences, like these, that I have shared with my friends and keeping them with me so that I can use them in the future.

Here’s hoping you’ve come to an appreciation of your friends, just as I have mine. 
I love you all.

GET THE LUBE OUT, IT’S TIME TO PARTY! January 11, 2009

My regular readers wouldn’t appreciate this blog, Dear Older and Semi-Faithful-But-Rationalized-Into-Calling-Yourself-Faithful Reader. Therefore, I’ve been given the keys to So, here’s hoping, as sort of a vacation home, if you will.  If one would consider a seldom-used blog originating out of Benton, Arkansas,  a prime spot for a vacation home.  More like it’s a post-apocalyptic barren wasteland with tumbleweeds and Norman from Discovery rolling by (because, Honey, even after the end of times, ol’ Norma will still be around). I shall make the best of things and behave as a real lady would.

My regular readers, that is, my new regular readers, over at Shake expect onomatopoeia and alliteration, sincerity and poetic fire, perfect rhyme in perfect meter, memories and regrets, and of course love in haiku form. My old regular reader(s) expect wit and humor, with a pinch, or, more likely, a double-fistful of Gay, with lots of Crisco. Bitch slaps with imperfect grammar and Bitch Pleases with snaps and neck movements in clearly inappropriate places.  Then there are my irregular readers, and for them, I suggest removing the large buttplug from their rectums.

I didn’t say this would be pretty.

I thought about what to write about here for my big return to blogging. I thought about composing a parody of my friends with a little ditty called The G Word, starring LaDon (D) and Rayne, Darwin and Clark (of DarwinandClark), Tug and Clark (of TugandClark) and Krysof and the Fabulous Ryan, and of course their hag Whoria.  Now, Dear Reader, this would be an interesting project, but it would be destined to fail.

You’d have LaDon (D), the workaholic who secretly longs to perform drag as Reba, who would be the center of the piece.  Writing his part would be easy because I could just copy and paste the same dialogue over and over and over again, but I’m afraid the audience wouldn’t be there long because he’d fire them.   Or at least orchestrate their dismissal through creative if not entirely legal ways. Perhaps through an ill-timed drug test?  But regardless, yes, writing his part would be a breeze.

Not as easy as writing the part of Rayne Fuggles, though, who would never have any dialogue.  Darwin and Clark would hardly appear, choosing instead to socialize with heterosexual people in the boring knock off, The B Word (duh, Breeders!).  Tug’s head would explode when several of his never-before-seen children return home (many of them with children and pets of their own, some in the form of furry coats, all of them strangely linked to pizza) and his showplace is turned into a common dorm room. Clark of TugAndClark wouldn’t survive long because he’d be robbed and killed walking between he and Tug’s house in the ghettos of Ryant.  He’d cry for help but no one would hear him because his cries would be so delicate.  And then Whoria would have her own spin off which would get canceled after three installments and end abruptly with the poor dear becoming involved with a suitor whose sexual fantasies center around reenacting the first three minutes of every single episode of Six Feet Under with Whoria herself as the star.  She’d survive the first couple of rolls in the hay, but not the one involving a giant mixing vat. Her suitor would, however, keep putting her back together again.  The only characters that would really draw the audience in would be that of Krystof and Ryan, the adorable couple destined for greatness. But they are so fabulous, really, they might just make the audience hate themselves because they could never live up to the standards set by such handsome, talented, lovely individuals.

So no G Word for now.  For now, all you get is a taste.   Because, when you think about it, is the world really ready for Rayne Fuggles?

Bryan’s status is Done.

Now Where Did I Put That Blog??? September 27, 2008

So, I can’t believe that it has been six months since I posted a blog.  I need to clear the cobwebs and blow the dust off of it.  So much has changed, and yet, nothing has changed.

First, the last few months have been all about my family and friends.  My nephew that I last blogged about is getting so big.  His big brother just turned 11 this week and is now playing football for his school.  I have to admit that I didn’t know that you could play football in elementary school, but I guess it makes sense.  We played basketball in elementary school.  
My dad had part of his foot amputated due to complications from diabetes.  But, he’s doing great now.  He and my mom spend as much time at their place at the lake as they can!   I think they’re enjoying their retirement.
We visited Wayne’s family in early September and got to see all the kids.  Damn, they’ve all gotten so big!   They range in age from 18 to 4.  We played on the Wii a lot and had a lot of fun with them. 
Wayne’s dad and step-mom have come for a visit.  It’s always good to see them.   They gave us a new television for Christmas/Anniversary/Birthday present!  YAY! 
We’ve been spending tons of time with our friends and I’m very thankful for each of them.

Wayne and I just celebrated ten years together.  If you ask Wayne, he’ll say it was our ninth anniversary.  Basically we officially became a couple on September 18, 1998.  Then, exactly one year later on September 18, 1999, we decided to get “married,” “committed,” “unionized,” whatever you want to call it.  So if you ask us at the same time how long we’ve been together, you might get different answers.  Basically, Wayne has put up with my shit for ten years now!  Damn, that’s a decade of sharing your life with the same person.   I can’t wait for five or six more!

Even though I haven’t blogged much, read that “any,” I have been writing for fun.  I don’t know why, other than my pal Bryan has bugged me to do it and I just got tired of making excuses.  LOL!

Here’s hoping that I’ll update the blog more frequently over the coming months.

Hillary’s Letter to The Gays February 11, 2008

An Open Letter to the LGBT Community: I Want to Be Your President!

by Senator Hillary Clinton

As I have traveled around the country these past twelve months, what I sensed in my heart has been confirmed. America is embracing its LGBT sons and daughters with an acceptance and understanding as never before. On the campaign trail, a father of a gay son will ask about ending Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. A woman will ask why she can be discriminated against just because of who she is. Sometimes they wait furtively for the crowd to thin and then whisper their confidences in a soft voice and sometimes they stand up proudly at town meetings and want me to share my views on how I will help lead the change to assure that this country fulfills its promise to everyone. Let me tell you what I have been telling voters across America. I am fully committed to the fair and equal treatment of LGBT Americans. For seven long years, the Bush Administration has tried to divide us – only seeing people who matter to them. It’s been a government of the few, by the few, and for the few. And no community has been more invisible to this administration than the LGBT community. I will change that. The best evidence of what I will do as President is what I have already done. I am proud of my record as First Lady, as a U.S. Senator and as a candidate for President in working toward the fair and equal treatment of LGBT Americans. · I am proud that as Chair of the Senate Democratic Steering and Outreach Committee in 2006, I worked closely with LBGT community to develop a smart strategy that defeated the Federal Marriage Amendment. I am proud of fighting the FMA as divisive wedge politics at its worst. · I am proud to be a co-sponsor of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, the Matthew Shepard Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act, and the Domestic Partnership Benefits and Obligation Act which would grant the same benefits (including health insurance) to domestic partners of federal employees that are currently offered to employees’ legal spouses. · I am proud to have authored the Early Treatment for HIV Act, which expands access to vital treatment options for low-income individuals living with HIV, and fought to fully fund the Ryan White CARE Act. · I am proud that I hired a National Director of LGBT Outreach within a month of announcing my candidacy for President and to have openly gay and lesbian staffers serving at all levels of my campaign. · I am proud to have a National LGBT Steering Committee of over 130 that includes openly LGBT elected officials, Board members and opinion leaders on issues ranging from transgender rights, to HIV/AIDS, to “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”. · I am proud to have marched in Gay Pride parades as both First Lady and as Senator and to have spoken in front of so many LGBT audiences ranging from the Human Rights Campaign, Empire State Pride Agenda, the Hetrick Martin Institute, PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), GMHC (Gay Men’s Health Crisis), and the American Foundation for AIDS Research. · I am proud to have fought Republican efforts to demonize and marginalize the LGBT community, and I will continue to do that as President. We have so much work to do. When I am President, we will work together to make sure that all Americans in committed relationships have equal benefits and that nothing stands in the way of loving couples who want to adopt children in need. We’re going to expand our federal hate crimes legislation and pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act and assure that they are both fully inclusive of sexual orientation and gender identity and expression. And finally, we will put an end to the failed policy of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Courage, honor, patriotism and sacrifice – the traits that define our men and women in uniform – have nothing to do with sexual orientation. My father was a conservative Republican, who held very traditional views for much of his life. Yet in his last years, it was a gay couple who lived next door who provided much of the compassion and comfort he and my mother needed as he grew ill. And it was that same neighbor who held his hand as he died. If my father can move, America can move. To each and every LGBT American, I say this. You have done so much to help this country understand your lives by simply being open and honest about who you are and living your lives with dignity. Thank you for your courage. It is time that we recognize your hard work. I know that this country is ready for changes in the law that reflect the evolution in our hearts. America deserves a President who appeals to the best in each of us, not the worst; a President who values and respects all Americans and treats all Americans equally no matter who they are or who they love. I want to be that President. I want to be your President.

Way of the Gunn February 7, 2008

So, I’m totally crushing on someone right now. 

He’s an older, but very distinguished man.   He’s sexy, smart, well dressed, handsome and super chic.   He’s Tim Gunn, the mentor on Bravo’s Project Runway and Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style.

Look, he’s only 19 years older than I am.  Don’t get me wrong, I still love my husband, but I’d be thrilled to have him as my sugar daddy. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKTtgsg67C0

Here’s hoping I can “make it work.”

The Good, The Bad and the Gays January 28, 2008

So, I didn’t really want the first post in my bog to be associated with my sexuality. But, hell, I am who I am. And right now, I am awake at 1am with this odd compulsion to post a blog.

Last week, as I was paying the rent on my storage unit, the lady that owns the business asked me, “Can I ask you a personal question?” I nodded, kinda prepared for what was about to come my way. Especially since we had just compared the candidates that we were planning on supporting in the upcoming primary on February 5. Her candidate was our former governor, Mike Huckabee. Lover of the Church and Hater of the Gays.

“How long have you guys been together?” Okay, that wasn’t exactly what I was expecting. I informed her that this September would be ten years. Surprisingly she smiled. Okay, totally not what I expected. She then told me that no matter who you love, it takes work. Ain’t that the fucking truth?

See, that’s the core of why I’m awake at 1am… Occasionally, I get pissed at my husband. Tonight happenst to be one of those nights. Why am I pissed… well, you see that’s the most infuriating part. I DON’T FUCKING KNOW!!! Which makes it that much more irritating. Here lately, I’ve had plenty to be pissed about. One stupid fucking mistake after another, almost as if he WANTS me to be pissed.

Why can’t life always be the perfect dance?

Here’s hoping that I’ll remember that life IS the perfect dance and the bad times only help us appreciate the good ones. (Yeah, yeah…. I know. What a fucking cheesy way to end my first blog.)